Dating a pre op transwoman
“At times this makes it easier to communicate, but it also makes people afraid of offending someone, and prevents people from getting deeper into a conversation.” Nomi is concerned, in particular, about the lack of conversation around sex for women who have had sex reassignment surgery (SRS), and the real-life implications the operation can have on their sexual experience.“A lot of girls won’t even talk about it among themselves,” she said.“There was this myth that you could never have another orgasm, that there’s no sensitivity, and that you could never enjoy sex again,” Nomi said. But eventually I got to the point where I was like, ‘I don’t care.I’d rather not enjoy sex than live this way.’”Nomi had SRS five years ago, in her mid-20s.“Sometimes, if I’m dating a guy but I don’t want to sleep with him right away, he’s like, ‘Oh, because it doesn’t work.’ Or people think you can’t orgasm. But if they knew how beautiful and how natural the vagina really is, and how it’s so in tune with your mind and your body, I think people would start seeing it as sexy rather than as a science experiment.I mean, even I didn’t know the possibilities.”Nomi said that as she was preparing for SRS, she wished there were more women talking about their experiences of sex after surgery, because she felt sort of in the dark.It helps you to not feel so fucking alone, basically.
“I was really self-conscious, because I was blaming all of the awkward sex on my neo-vagina,” Nomi said. ’ She was like, ‘Oh, girl, yeah, sometimes it’s a fucking nightmare.’”Nomi was faced with a harsh reality: A lot of guys just aren’t that great with their tongue. “But then, when I met a guy who good at it, I was like, ‘Oh, duh, okay, it really depends.
“And then you have to dilate once a week for the rest of your life, unless you’re having sex,” Nomi continued.
“So now when I’m not having sex, it’s kinda sad, because you’re really reminded of it.
“But I’d like to be someone who can open up this conversation.”Now, I’m a cis person, and therefore have no personal insight to share on this seemingly off-limits subject.
But I do know well that, when dealing with sexuality or any other sensitive topic, it is generally useful to hear the stories of people with experiences similar to your own, because it helps you to better understand your own experience and your own body.